i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
