You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize