Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
