Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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