it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
