Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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