let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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