If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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