Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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