Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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