At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
