I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
