You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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