Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
