Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and she was petting her beer can
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize