I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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