I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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