Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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