you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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