I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just cut my nipple shaving
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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