all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
