I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
