i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
