I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
