please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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