Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
