you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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