and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the day after is always just damage control
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
