just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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