I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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