I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
