I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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