I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
