thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i think my tv is drunk
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
