I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
