Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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