why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
