nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
