textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
