she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
