I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
