So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
