yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize