you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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