if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
