I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
