I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Randomize
