My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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