my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
