When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
even my farts smell like vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
