Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
