im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Someone signed my nipple.
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