A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
