so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
