she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize