I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
