Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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