i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
