I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
