Swine flu. Run for my life!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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