isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
