It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
