You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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