Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

Her name starts with A and ends with whore.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..

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(330): View more from Ohio

Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic

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(843): View more from South Carolina

AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.

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(801): View more from Utah

I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.

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