I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
