I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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