This girl is more easily done than said...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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