She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
