Got a toothbrush?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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