I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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