you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
