The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
