I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
