Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
