I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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