well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize