Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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