It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My breasts were aching with rage.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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