There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
