I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
