sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
