i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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