In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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