just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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