I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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