I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
