the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize