My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
