In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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