no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
