Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
