I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
