No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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