I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize