I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Green mimosas i think yes
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
